What I Never Knew I Always Wanted
by trace619
Summary: One-shot song fic. A little reflection from one of our favorite ladies on how life doesn't always work out as planned, but maybe ends up exactly the way its supposed to be.
**A/N: Yes I know, I should be updating Mess is Mine but I had to write this. I heard the song and it just begged to be written. Based on the Carrie Underwood song by the same name. I own nothing, no infringement intended. Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy!**

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Alex Cabot had always known what she wanted. As a child she wanted to be a lawyer and as she grew up she knew she was going to be a prosecutor. She attended college, graduated from Harvard and landed a starting position in the Manhattan DA's office soon after passing the bar. She slowly worked her way up, prosecuting minor offenses before eventually being handed more serious crimes. Then came the call she was being assigned to the Special Victims Unit. She knew it would be a difficult unit to prosecute for but she was ready for the challenge, she also knew that it would help her later down the road. She had political aspirations, her sights were set on the governor's mansion. And, as she'd told Cragen, she planned to stand on their shoulders to reach a broader constituency.

Things began to change however; her compassion for the victims and her desire to see justice served took over her thoughts of political office. After a few years in the unit she'd burned enough bridges to know the governor's mansion was no longer in her future.

Then there was Elliot and Olivia. She'd butted heads with the pair more times than she cared to count but after those first few rocky weeks they gradually grew to respect one another, and even become friends. Her friendship with Olivia wasn't easy but being the only two women in the unit at the time allowed them to become closer than maybe they would have. Working lunches and dinners while prepping for trial turned to lunches and dinners where work wasn't even discussed. Even though they were famous for their heated squad room arguments, and occasional strained relationship, they remained friends.

Then came her time in Witness Protection. She had always wondered in the back of her mind if there would be a case that would change her life, her career, she never expected it to happen the way it did. When she knew she had to leave she surprised herself when she fought to see Elliot and Olivia one last time. She had friends, some she was closer to than the detectives, but she needed to see them one last time. She needed them to know she was alive…she needed Olivia to know she was alive. When she came back for the Connors trial she was relieved it would be Olivia staying in the hotel with her at night.

Alex wasn't sure why but when she was telling Olivia about the man she'd been seeing in Wisconsin, she could barely look the brunette in the eye. When she did finally meet Olivia's gaze there was something in those brown eyes, but Alex couldn't figure out what it was. It killed her when she was informed that she would be returning to the program, only this time she would be leaving without being allowed to say goodbye to her friends. In fact the only one she really wanted to see was Olivia.

The years after being released from the program were difficult for her, more difficult than she'd imagined they'd be. She had wanted to contact Olivia so badly but couldn't bring herself to do so. When she did finally return to SVU she and Olivia's relationship was strained, but after time and a few conversations on what it was like after leaving the program Olivia understood why Alex had avoided them and their friendship returned. Things were different this time though. It was like there was an underlying current between them, both feeling it but neither sure what it was.

They continued to grow closer until Alex announced she was leaving for the Congo. She knew it had hurt the brunette but deep down inside she knew she was meant to go. While she was gone they kept in touch through email, phone calls, and occasionally Skype. Alex had always been so career oriented and focused that she'd never really given any thought to what the future held for her personally. However being alone in a foreign country made her wish she had someone, for there to be someone waiting for her to return. It was on one of those lonely nights that she realized she had someone waiting at home for her, she had Olivia.

Once she returned home, to SVU and Olivia, their relationship began to grow and blossom into something more than friendship. She could clearly remember the night it all changed. They'd gone out to dinner, just like they had thousands of times before, but this time it felt different. After dinner they walked around the city, finally ending up at Rockefeller Center watching the skaters on the rink. They had gradually drifted closer, a light touch here and there, a brush of their hands, and then Olivia's phone rang. _'That damned phone.'_ She thought to herself.

That had been over three years ago and now they were in a solid, stable and loving relationship. Alex closed the files that she'd been reviewing and placed them in her bag, it wasn't like she'd been paying attention to them anyway. She slid down on the sofa and got comfortable, her eyes catching a picture on the wall, a personal favorite. Never had she given much consideration to marriage; the white dress, fancy wedding, big party. That was until she fell in love with Olivia Benson. They shared something she never even thought existed, a love so strong it took her breath away at times. She had never realized there was anything missing in her life until she and Olivia made the change from friends to something more.

They didn't have the fancy wedding or a big party to celebrate, just a simple ceremony in the park attended by their closest friends then dinner afterwards. For them it was a day to celebrate their love for one another, not to put on a show. Of course their time together wasn't without its problems, largely thanks to William Lewis and the havoc he'd wreaked on their lives. There were times Alex still kicked herself for agreeing to attend a conference that weekend, and not staying home with her wife. While Olivia struggled with the aftermath of her attack, Alex struggled with the guilt she felt at not being home. They were going to therapy, both separately and as a couple, and were finally getting back on track. Granted it took time; Olivia was easy to startle, the physical aspect of their relationship almost nonexistent for months aside from hugs and gentle kisses, but Alex wasn't giving up. After Lewis's escape, and eventual death, it seemed as though that was when Olivia began to heal. The nightmares were still there but they were occurring less and less, although Alex was certain they would never be gone completely. Their life and marriage, both emotionally and physically, was finally getting back to the way they were.

Alex glanced at the time on her phone and saw that it was just after eleven. Olivia had called earlier in the evening to let her know they'd finally caught a break in a difficult case and she would probably be home late that night. While those late nights were few and far between now that Olivia was a Sergeant compared to when she was a Detective, they still happened. Alex picked up the glass of wine she'd been sipping on and turned the television on to watch the news when a little whimper came through the baby monitor. She sat quietly for a minute hoping it was just a whimper, but when a louder cry followed she climbed from the couch and headed for their son's room.

Noah had been a surprise in more ways than one. She'd known about the baby from the night Olivia found him in the drawer. When her wife followed up on his case she never gave it a second thought. Olivia's dedication to victim's, especially children, was one of the many things she loved about the brunette. She'd checked in a time or two herself with Pippa Cox to see how his case was going, and even talked to Trevor a couple times to see how the baby was doing. She knew Olivia had gotten close to the case when she found out the brunette had visited the foster care center where Noah was staying, but again she didn't give it much thought.

When Olivia called her and told her of Judge Linden's offer Alex didn't know what to say. They'd never really discussed having children. She knew Olivia loved them, and she was pretty sure Olivia wanted a child, but they never talked about it. Then with Olivia's recovery everything was on the back burner except making sure she got better. She could tell Olivia was nervous about the idea of becoming a foster mother, and maybe an eventual mother, but she could also hear the excitement there as well. Before she knew what she was doing Alex said 'let's do it'. Later as she rode in a cab to the foster center her mind raced with a million thoughts. Was she ready to be a mother? Did she even want to be a mother? What would this do to Olivia and her recovery? All those thoughts went out the window though when she entered the sitting room and saw Olivia cuddling the infant. Her heart melted in an instant at the sight of the little boy on her wife's lap. After taking a seat she grew nervous when Olivia asked if she wanted to hold him. She nodded as the brunette stood then gently placed him in her arms. Alex waited for a cry or scream from little Noah but instead he looked at her intently then gave her a small smile. In that moment she knew she wanted this, wanted him. She looked to Olivia and noticed the tears in her eyes, and felt them in her own. This was how it was meant to be.

"Hey Noah." Alex cooed as she entered his room. He'd been sleeping through the night for a while now, but occasionally he had his restless nights. "What's the matter with Mommy's boy?"

Noah was already standing up in his crib and reaching for the blonde. As soon as he was in her arms his cries stopped and he buried his face in her neck. "Momom." He mumbled against her skin.

Alex smiled at his name for her. Noah was a man of few words but Mama and Momom were slowly being heard more often. "Yeah baby, Mommy's here." She took a seat in the rocking chair in the corner of his room and began humming as he snuggled close to her. As she looked down at his face, his eyes drooping while he smiled up at her, she was so thankful for everything she had in her life. She mentally drifted over her life and the plans she'd made, what she thought she wanted from life. Her life was nothing like she had planned, it was better. Sometimes life has a way of showing you exactly what you need, and who you are meant to be. Alex knew without a doubt in her mind she was meant to be Olivia's wife and Noah's mother. She reached over and grabbed an extra blanket from the changing table and draped it over her son while she continued to rock him.

Olivia snuck in as quietly as possible at a little after midnight that night. She always did her best to be quiet when coming in late at night so as not to wake Alex, but even more so now to avoid waking Noah. She slipped off her shoes and hung her coat in the closet. She was surprised to see the baby monitor sitting on the coffee table and figured Alex must've forgotten it when she went to bed. Just as she was about to pick it up Alex's voice began drifting through. Olivia walked down the hall and stood quietly in Noah's door, smiling as she listened to her wife sing their son a lullaby. Never did she imagine this would be her life, but she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Certain Noah was finally asleep Alex stood and lightly kissed his forehead before gently laying him back in his crib. "Goodnight baby love." She turned and startled a bit when she saw Olivia standing in the doorway, the brunette's eyes a little misty. She pulled the door up a bit as she stepped into the hall then leaned in to give her wife a welcome home kiss. "You're finally home"

Olivia nodded before enveloping the blonde in a hug. "Is he having a rough night?"

Alex shook her head as she went back to the living room to grab the monitor "Just a little fussy. I think he's down for the count now though."

They shared a little snack and a glass of wine before heading to bed. "I'm glad you're off tomorrow." Alex said as Olivia rechecked the door making sure she'd locked up. "You look exhausted."

"I am exhausted." Olivia said with a tired smile. "But it's okay, because tomorrow I get to spend the day with my two most favorite people."

Alex shook her head and grinned as she took Olivia's hand and lead her toward the bedroom. They stopped one more time to look in on Noah, the boy sleeping peacefully. Olivia slipped an arm around Alex's waist and rested her head on her shoulder "Did you ever imagine this is where we'd be? I mean, all those years ago is this what you wanted? Is this how you thought it would all turn out?"

Alex felt tears spring to her eyes "No, it's not…it's better." She rested her head against Olivia's "I'm so glad all those plans didn't work out because there is no way they could've brought me the happiness you and Noah have."

"I feel the same way. You two mean the world to me."

They finally left their son's room and headed to their own. Both quickly going about their nightly routine and climbing into bed. Olivia watched as Alex stared at a picture of the three of them on her bedside table. She snuggled closer to the blonde and draped an arm over her waist. "It's certainly not the life you planned."

Alex smiled as she kissed Olivia then settled in to go to sleep "It's everything I never knew I always wanted."


End file.
